zzzzz
Saturday, March 31, 2007
I can't feel that summer vacation feeling.
Maybe because I'm failing. Haha.
smiled at the sun again @ 12:29 PM,
,
ren
I am wide awake and sleeping.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:19 AM,
,
anagram
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Live spelled backwards: Evil.
L would probably curl up his toes right now and give me a pat on the arm and share his strawberry with me. Damn, I want that hair. I want a death note as well. Schedule it right after that exam on friday which I have not studied for. Yes, please. Fold the rays of light and crop up the picture, I need to fit it in here. Not there, here. Yes, here.
meep.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:13 PM,
,
you will never hear me
Meep is <3
smiled at the sun again @ 9:11 PM,
,
This is..
Most Emo-est (yes, it's that redundant) Poem You Will Ever Read.
Cut, cut cut cut, cut.
Cut? Cut cut, cut cut cut.
Cut cut cut cut?
CUT!
Cut cut cut! Cut, cut?
Cut cut cut cut,
Cut cut cut, cut, cut, cut.
Cut cut cut, cut cut cut?!
CUT, CUT CUT CUT!!
Cut cut, cut cut cut cut?
Cut, cut cut cut.
Cut cut. CUT!
Cut cut cut CUT?!
Bleed.
***
Die emo people, DIE! Eat pie or something, be flouncy/flossy/whatever, GOD, just don't spread the depression all around. I'm saying it like it's a disease or something XD
And yes, I do understand the EMO language. Sort of. Maybe. Not really. Ah, to hell with it.
I bored. Meep.
smiled at the sun again @ 8:21 PM,
,
because i am indifferent
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
it's all a lie.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:27 PM,
,
ch-ch-check it out
I have a new reason:
You see, well not really, but for me you do see, that I always put up with my nonchalant manner of turning my back, then glancing back to take another look, even if it would really mean becoming the hypocritical bastard that I've come to realize I am. I ask for forgiveness for seemingly ignoring, even appearing to be avoiding you, and this must (or this is me thinking in a one-side track manner) be sending slight pangs of pain to you. I do not enjoy, in any mentionable manner that is possible, dashing around the corner and hiding, trying to cover my face from the slightest warmth that could be coming from wherever. It hurts me, that I have to do this, and that I have to make it seem like I'm changing into a plastic, inhumane being, and intend to give you the really, REALLY cold shoulder. It even hurts me that I have to look again, out of sheer guilt, if I had really roused such a negative reaction form you, and when I make the slightest eye contact, I cringe and shrivel into several insignificant pieces, and in my weak state, I receive the much deserved hurt look in those knowing eyes. Now, how do I explain this? Well, this is how it is: I have been misled. Out of frustration, and possible craving for a void to be filled, I bridge a gap between you and me that I have been observing for a few years. Actually, that's politically incorrect, it's MY gap. It's a gap only to me. I noticed this gap. To you, it meant nothing, but I don't mean to say that in a bad way. It's not your fault anyway, it's just me complaining about life is all. I know that you would've gladly met me on the other side, even just to a certain level of civility - that is, a smile and a simple hi, nothing less, nothing more. In my quest to create this metaphorical bridge, I find myself trapped in my confused principles and your.. well you. It is stirred along with unknown emotions of what I've become and what I've been doing, and well, it becomes a taboo and an obsession at the same time. I am afraid to take another step into bridging the gap, but at the end of it all, I suddenly think: will you really be there to say hi and smile? It's childish, it's immature, it's moronic, it's everything I suddenly became after thinking about this - a pile of useless mush. Even just thinking about this, in this way, must mean something is up, and something is going to happen later on that will surely not do me good. With this in mind, I hold this train of thought as taboo, and taboo only, and thus, the seemingly indifferent stature. There is a need to ignore, and I hope you understand this. Hold all the sharp looks and hurt expressions, the slight shrugs and the twisting of smiles into grimaces. I do not want this, and I do not intend to do this, but there is a need for it. Forgive me.
smiled at the sun again @ 6:59 PM,
,
aster
The sun beats down upon the sandy skin of shore,
A tide rolls in, cooling its face, its amber, timeless skin.
Off, distant on foamy waves arrive the strangers, new to this ancient place.
Tentatively the stranger’s journey along the smiling rim of island, touching a Nomadic Book washed ashore.
Like them, strangers
Drawn to this place, eager to lose themselves,
Eager to let their troubles, rush out with the whispering tide,
To find themselves, new, with amber faces from the sun,
To find themselves and be strangers, no more.
smiled at the sun again @ 6:58 PM,
,
drag
I am the biggest snob. EVER.
smiled at the sun again @ 6:43 PM,
,
....blarphenscwieschenhiggle
Monday, March 26, 2007
bass thumps, heart thumps.
think ripples.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:12 PM,
,
birthday game
tick
It's turning black again. It's slowing down, to a quick halt. You know those old movie flicks gone wrong? With the browning/blacking/greyish hue, rolling on one of those two-wheel camera thingies? It's those things that flicker every now and then. You remember? Yes, that one. It's like that. It'll keep on flickering into and out of phase, into and out of reality, maybe.
tock
I've gained consciousness and a few realizations over the past years. It's not that I haven't really known them before, maybe I was ignoring them. I'm sort of, well, listening through the door, leaning closely to it, but not exactly opening it to take even the slightest peek. It scares me? I don't know really. It's enough I just hear or feel the slight thumping or rapping on the door.
i wonder: can you see me?
Remembering what I've been thinking about lately, I'm tangled up in a mess of stupidity. See, there's this and that, and that, oh god, THAT, and well, you get it maybe. It's closing, and my eyes close as well. In that fraction of a second I resisted closing my eyes and giving up entirely, I see a slight glimmer, a ray of light if you want. Hand in hand, I slump backwards and release. It's like i'm passing out every minute, running out of breaths, and i'm not even smoking one stick of a cig.
tick
I hate what I think and what I do. I'm a tumbled up, scruffy mold of soft petals, separately, beautiful, in a multitude of colored skin, but mashed together, and it's like a blob of brown goo. Even the nice smell of crysanthemum doesn't go along well with the smell of stargazers. Am I still a flower, or at least, the petals? Not exactly. I'm the experiment gone wrong result of principle and prejudice.
tock
Drop a penny, pick it up, and take another step. It's a repeating cycle. My, am I good at this or what? I'm probably part hamster. Yeah, FTB for the win. Oh and part merman, 'cause I swim a lot. Well not maybe part merman, 'cause I sometimes lose concentration and I actually faint while swimming. I should probably learn to think and swim, 'cause one of these days, it'll help when i'm drowning.
i hear you breathing deeply: i can see you
Two stars drop form the sky like little skyrockets, but instead of firing up the skies and lighting it up, it sprials downwards and diffuses into the horizon, maybe into the depths of the sea. The normally dark sea sparkles with a thousand little diamonds, but for a fleeting second only. I feel the slight tingling running up my spine and into my cheeks. If only in my dreams, then I accept the fatality of it all. Come, collide. And I shall die smiling.
smiled at the sun again @ 6:42 PM,
,
yay
I just failed math. Lurve.
smiled at the sun again @ 6:40 PM,
,
WHY DAMNIT WHY
Sunday, March 25, 2007
and no, i've not gone mad.
i keep thinking about you in the worst moments.
if f(x,y) = somethingsomethingsomething, it has y in it, and makes me ask why, and has x in it, which may mean there's something wrong, or it signifies the marks that'll stretch across my paper tomorrow - whatever. F's, oh yes, F's.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:18 PM,
,
intellectual satisfaction
spread the love around.
take the sleeping pills, become bulimic, suck it up, take it, and then die.
thank you, exam week which I haven't studied for.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:14 PM,
,
tone deaf
i can't study anymore.
seriously.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:10 PM,
,
play with me
Friday, March 23, 2007
it's cheap. it's bitter. guess what?
it's
smiled at the sun again @ 10:34 PM,
,
control
i'll be spending every minute perishing for my sins, karma as you may call it, but
無理しなくていいよ
一人きりも慣れたみたい
for every single thing that i've done, i'll strain my fingers a little more to hold on
寂しい素顔
別に隠さないよ
まっすぐ歩いてくから
i don't know why, but it'll last for seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years
鏡には映らない
正直な胸のうち
あきらめたりはしたくないし
泣いたりもしたくない
i'll be standing right here, where you can't see me
I’ll remember you
思い出の夏となり
女らしく生きる方法が
わかったよな気がした
and i'll watch, and you'll never know just how much bones will I break later.
smiled at the sun again @ 10:19 PM,
,
i'll see to it
show me a smile then
don't be unhappy
can't remember when
i last saw you laughing
and you probably never will
if this is what makes you crazyand you've taken all you can bear
you call me up
and you know
i'll be there
but you know what, i will be there
and i see you're true colorsshining through
i see you're true colors
and that's why
i love you
it makes me cringe to the point of insanity
so don't be afraidto let them show
because
but i can't help it
you're beautiful, like a rainbow
smiled at the sun again @ 10:03 PM,
,
like
It's like the sem is over, but it's not. Test next week, and I don't care! XD
smiled at the sun again @ 9:26 AM,
,
shintara
Meh, i'm effiiiiiiiiiing lazeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:25 AM,
,
hunger = what if's
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Pano kung baliktad ang mundo?
Hmm..
Kakainin tayo ng manok!
Kung ganon, kapag pumunta ang manok sa isang jollibee branch..
Oorder siya ng value meal..
"Isa nga pong HUMANJOY."
Bwahahahah.
...
Bwahahahah.
...
Nasisiraan ka na gagu. Ang panget seryoso.
smiled at the sun again @ 8:31 AM,
,
i want to
cosplay L now. NOW.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:57 AM,
,
weird
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I rode a jeep on the way to school.
I rode the same jeep on the way to our village.
Just weird.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:23 PM,
,
is in the air
Sunday, March 18, 2007
I was watching a kid play with one of those plastic shape thingies, where you have to put them into their respective holes, like a blue cylindrical block into a circular hole. The kid was cheerily humming a nameless tune that made me hum silently as well, and not even once did he lose concentration on his play. Good multi-tasking skills for a toddler, a boy no less. Soon he had placed all shapes into their proper places, except for two, the red heart-shaped and the yellow sun-shaped thingimajig. It confused and unnerved me that he stopped working on the shapes, after finishing the others quickly. He was silent, and yes, he stopped humming (which was what really caught my attention), and I noticed that he was mashing the sun-shaped block on to the heart-shaped hole, and when he got tired of it, he would try to mash the other block on the other hole. Not once did he try to put them into the correct place. Though he would always end up failing, and unfinished, he would keep at it and, even without the merry humming, he would smile. Interested, I come close and ask him what he was doing. The kid looked at me in a weird way, but he smiled at me, then he said,
"Nothing really. I'm just trying to (mash mash mash) this into the hole, but it won't fit." And he continued mashing and pushing.
I told him that it wouldn't really fit, since the shape doesn't go with the hole. He answered, without looking at me,
"But, if I put the that block (the suns-shaped one) into the circle (circular hole) it would fit. What makes you say that it can't fit in this (heart-shaped hole)?" And he mashed incessantly.
Thinking about what he said, it made sense - to the logic of a 7-year old maybe. But it didn't to me. So I said goodbye to him (and he gave me the weird look again, and smiled), and left him to mash to his content.
It's so much easier to be a kid.
smiled at the sun again @ 10:10 PM,
,
when asked
Would you have a fugly face, or a beautiful, porcelain face, but heavily scarred?
I chose fugly face.
Why?
People are shallow that way. I don't want them peering over my face and pointing their disrespectful fingers and asking uncomfortable questions about scars. With fugly, people don't approach me within a mile away. See, that's where the shallow part works both ways. I think.
smiled at the sun again @ 10:07 PM,
,
ambitious
I make myself laugh, to the point of insanity.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:36 PM,
,
bang
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Slip away from the bullet's grasp only to die another day.
smiled at the sun again @ 11:46 PM,
,
as he said it
DENIED.
Because this is just soooooooo fucked up, messed up, and downright wrong.
smiled at the sun again @ 11:45 PM,
,
balloons can fly
Friday, March 16, 2007
lift the pinky for grace
strain the face's veins as if to mock
barely handling the strings of conscience
a smile escapes from soft, charming lips
as they say, ignorance is a never-ending bliss
(until one is ignorant no more)
and though eyes betray me
and blood curdles mercilessly
(leaving the skin rather dry)
i lift a finger, another, and another, and another, and another
and form lines that of a half-crescent
barely a second has passed in this moment
and everything reverts back to its natural form
of indifference and old, worn-out stairs
the feeling gone as quick as it had come
icicles had formed over my right shoulder
on the other, a seeping warm spot
it went unnoticed, deceiving even
but that's just me
flowers brushing the bare skin of my feet
i burst into a multitude of blank spaces
and with a shrug and a closing of the eyes
i sit down
and
wait for the bell to ring.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:58 PM,
,
i. am.shocked. i really am. really.
What the hell were you doing?
Nevermind.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:57 PM,
,
prosper pichay
i
am
pro
pinoy.
WOW.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:54 PM,
,
okay
Thursday, March 15, 2007
That did not make sense. At all.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:29 PM,
,
boring class
People write the most intriguing things when bored, leaving the poor armchairs to their carved-out wooden state.
A long distance love said:
It's questions like, "If the ocean froze and formed into a huge sheet of ice, would you skate to the other side of the world just to hold my hand?"
A similarly emo person said:
Tell me, is it worth it to die a little each day, with hope off turning unrequited love into something beautiful?
Though much sense both make, I write with a half-hearted laugh and a full intention of joking:
When the apple was falling from the tree, it said to gravity: "I'm falling for you." And gravity kept on pulling it and pulling it.. 'till it smashed into a million pieces.
THE END. :)
Geez people, lighten up a bit, there's a lot of acads to throw around and worry about.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:17 PM,
,
aforementioned
Apparently, I detest the unfair.
Not injustice, unfair..ness.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:14 PM,
,
z0mgrzzzzzzzz
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I can't quite express the words I want to say, so I try to understand this:
....
Okay, maybe I still can't put it into my invariable (really?) jargon. But you know me, I don't know anything, as always, and I will put up with it. Right? Please say yes, I have not the time to expound on everything. It's not like I care. It's not like I have to care. It's not like I have the time to care. Yes, feed me academics and such, I want to graduate, gadamet. Confidence is slowly seeping through and draining out of my veins (not that there's a lot left, or that there was something to begin with anyway), and dealing with this, this, whatever this is, is just more than enough, more than what I could possibly at the moment (or for a long time maybe, i'm not quite sure). But, hey, why am I even making look like it's anyone else's fault; I'm the one bringing this to myself. I'm good at putting myself through all this, I complain, then I spend a whole hour during the jeepeney ride home thinking about whatever bothers me, like spoiled milk, world peace, and you, you stupid piece of crap (sorry), then I automatically find something worth putting my attention to, and totally swimming through the shallowness of the attention-grabbing idea. So, in conclusion, the BJT amp cannot help me in this, and so will zener diodes and KCL equations, neither will you, nor will ice cream, nor will words.
I feel like I know something, but I can't quite get it out. So much for knowing something. Heh.
smiled at the sun again @ 10:24 PM,
,
crackpot teacher
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Sometimes, in all the crazy things that we say,
we find something worthwhile.
Hmm.
smiled at the sun again @ 6:17 PM,
,
great view
Monday, March 12, 2007
I saw a slipper (yeah, just one, not a pair) on the middle of the road, and jeepneys and buses and people kept walking by.
I guess that's one sad person with a missing slipper.
smiled at the sun again @ 6:24 PM,
,
befuddle
You're the only one who can make my heart beat faster and slower, at the same time.
If you weren't holding my hand right now, I'd probably flown off to the skies above.
Wait.
You haven't been holding my hand. And I haven't flown away. And you're above the skies.
Who's holding me?
smiled at the sun again @ 6:20 PM,
,
as requested
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Anyone can comment now.
You could be God yourself, and I wouldn't really know.
:)
smiled at the sun again @ 8:27 PM,
,
o rly
I lie awake.
I lie asleep.
smiled at the sun again @ 5:21 PM,
,
iCandy
Period. Period. Period.
smiled at the sun again @ 5:16 PM,
,
gungho
Saturday, March 10, 2007
I'm walking, as I've always done in my repeating cycle of school days. A little too early to be here, a little too late to complain about that. Supposedly calming morning breeze is seeping through my veins like sunlight through the window pane, and it freezes every drop of pulsing blood in my body, sedating the throbbing vein in my forehead. It's good, but it's not good.
Five minutes before the bell. Five minutes before the people outside start to make a beeline for the entrance and await their turn to swipe that plastic card on the red beam of light. Planting myself on the bench, I scan for familiar people, ground, anything. Ah, thank fate, I see one of my mates on one side of the stairs. I cross the street and try to catch his attention as I walk closer. Hey. Hey. He--
*snap*
On the corner of my eye, I could sense a slight disturbance coming from the snapping sound. A sound all too familiar, a sound to call a significant someone's attention, a term of endearment if you will, a sound to announce the memory of what is supposed to be camaraderie and brotherhood. Fuck that. Trying my best to avoid and make that snapping sound feel like it was being ignored, I hasten myself to my mate and coaxed him into sitting on the benches across the street. But, as luck, my luck specifically, would have it, I am forced to drop my could shoulder act and look at the hand waving in front of my face, or at least, an outstretched arm shaking madly a few centimeters in front of my nose. I dare not look for more than a second, so I put up with it and give the most pleasing grimace (not grin) I could give and head off to god knows where.
*snap*
I think I looked back again. And I don't fucking care anymore. Right.
smiled at the sun again @ 12:05 AM,
,
'cause i know i'm stupid
Friday, March 9, 2007
I'm happy, and I don't care at the same time.
smiled at the sun again @ 2:56 PM,
,
orihime says
Thursday, March 8, 2007
If. . . If I were the rain. . . that binds together the Earth and the sky, whom in all eternity will never mingle. . . Would I be able to bind two hearts together?
smiled at the sun again @ 7:55 PM,
,
walking comic strip
For chirssakes, stop looking, it's rude.
For chrissakes, don't wear the damned thing if you hate being looked at so damn much.
Good point.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:07 PM,
,
say something sensible
...
I was walking across the street, and then I suddenly thought of myself falling flat on my face right then and there.
Then I walked again.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:05 PM,
,
because it takes one to know one
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
I feel so used.
smiled at the sun again @ 11:30 PM,
,
tried and error..ed
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
clap clap clap
goes the raindrops
tearing itself from the skies
clap clap clap
it comes crashing down
fleeting moments of weightlessness
clap clap clap
aimlessly dashing through streaks of night light
caressing the blank streets with lingering shadows
clap clap clap
finally, in contact with the solid asphalt
clinging for a second, dormant in its spherical state
clap clap clap
shattering to pieces of reflecting diamonds
littering itself into the blank environment
clap clap clap
eyes watching the raindrops falling down
clap clap
sudden shift of movement, loss of balance
clap
it rains no more.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:26 PM,
,
i hate you
you make me feel so bad right now.
like, grr.
smiled at the sun again @ 6:35 PM,
,
factor
It's weird. I'm bloghopping/stalking people, and when I look at their blogs, they have put them all on hiatus on the same date.
February 14, 2006.
... Oh well.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:44 AM,
,
apparently
Monday, March 5, 2007
I am (possibly) a
colorful
person.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:10 PM,
,
when i feel like it
Stop stalking meh, stalkers.
Welcome to my domain.
DON'T spread the love, or I'm gonna fucking kill y'all.
Thanks.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:07 PM,
,
collective unconscious
Sunday, March 4, 2007
I just realized I'm talking backwards.
Hmm.
smiled at the sun again @ 10:05 PM,
,
indie arie
I'll run away from it all. And my standing reason will always be: I am indifferent. I do not care anymore. I never cared even before. Okay, wait, that's contradicting. But what the heck, no one's listening. Even when I said I think I like you, I guess even you didn't listen. It's not like you would, and I shouldn't even be expecting you to. I mean, c'mon, if I look at it, with reality sticking a knife at my back, I think that, no not think, it is hilariously laughable and utterly fake. It's not emo, it's just me thinking too much. A little bit too much. Even now, typing this, I feel like laughing, but I can't, 'cause I'm too conscious of what people would think.
Why did I have to put up with this?
Why did this ever happen?
Why did I even bother?
Why do anything?
Why?
Why you?
smiled at the sun again @ 9:47 PM,
,
98. remember
I have to stop thinking.
I end up breaking my back sleeping on a protruding rock from the open field. And suffering the chilling winds at night and/or morning. Why, I do not know. I just find bliss in exposing myself to incoherent circumstances. At least, I think so. Or that's what all these are pointing to. I'm trying soooo damn hard to cope up, but I guess I'll always end up last. Oh, the demise of being the short stuff.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:37 PM,
,
99. goodbye
Step in.
And kill.
Don't shed one tear, or it'll backfire.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:20 PM,
,
forget
I forgot what I was gonna say.
smiled at the sun again @ 12:06 AM,
,
was
Saturday, March 3, 2007
I chickened out.
So what?
smiled at the sun again @ 11:55 PM,
,
i'll try
Thursday, March 1, 2007
It's a hanging commitment.
Says you.
It's a matter of trust.
Says me.
It's bullshit.
Says you.
It's how I see people.
Says me.
It's how I indirectly say I like someone, that's if, they don't mistake it for a subtle brush-off.
Says me.
It's how I indirectly tell people I don't care about to fuck off, that's if they aren't airheads who fail to realize that it is a subtle brush-off.
Says me.
So when I say to you that "i'll try."
It means
What?
smiled at the sun again @ 9:09 PM,
,
it's a what
This ain't a scene.
It's. A. Goddamned. Arms. Race.
smiled at the sun again @ 8:58 PM,
,