the last sunset

.hiding

hates the sun. period. doubting. needs to be loved. pathetic. apathetic. INDIFFERENT. insolent fool. you. you. confused. me? not me.

.looking back

things a little less strumming, a little more effing spoken like a true bastard raindrops fomr jupiter spunky mcsythe you called skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight am een ur kichun, eetin ur poodin MOOOOOOOOAR CIRKULLLLLLS, really no. it's not dead.

.opening the mind

February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007

We're a Fuckin' Family. Brotherhood: Mafia Style.
Saturday, June 30, 2007

Have a heart and try me.

smiled at the sun again @ 1:42 AM, ,

mindfucked

I'm a second, a moment, a lifetime too late. Maybe it was written, probably not for me. Maybe I expected, or maybe I was just too scared. The ecstatic whirlpool of everyday daydreaming kept me sane for weeks. Now, (when you're nowhere to be found) I long for that genuine smile when I see you, hear you, feel you.

I won't tell you, so I whisper it into the absent winds, I'm a disaster. Ah, yes. I remember. I'm afraid. I held back. And now, I'm a second, a moment, a step behind. A chance lost. A friendship saved (for the lack of a better word). If that's what people would call it. Was it even saved? Makes you think.

(Just for the record, you made me smile. I felt complete okay.)

So here I go with my plastic smile and my usual self. Denying, lying, pretentious.


People can be so goddamned gross sometimes.

smiled at the sun again @ 1:36 AM, ,

yeaboi

It's when you squeeze the trigger and you hear the mirror and springs. You hear the opening and closing of the shutter.


Click.
That's it.

smiled at the sun again @ 1:36 AM, ,

chemical burn

I run down the sand dunes and feel the heat rising from every grain, like the breath of Beelzebub himself chasing after my every step. The clouds circle above me like vultures above prey as I grab the back of my loose shirt and slice my fingers deep into them as I pull forward, ripping and shredding. Heat emerges from me, hotter than the knives that puncture my feet.

Then I feel the acid flowing. It burns. Caustic lie.

Now, I walk.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:49 AM, ,

"Sure Sun Hotel, Where It's Always a Sun-Day"

smiled at the sun again @ 12:47 AM, ,

of max weber and cheesy pops

I didn't really want to go there. I could've gone upstairs and played to my heart's content, but I somehow find myself tracing back the steps to that accursed place. Half-heartedly, I trudge the familiar path, the stone-cobbled street, and the grassy surrounding. I smell the reminiscent breeze, ever so playful, as if tapping my shoulder in sheer delight. I could've sworn I heard a whisper of my name, or at least, the used name, but I digress. Off the stone steps, and onto the slightly wet brushes, the grass, and they bristled slightly, tickling the my ankles. It's as if I've walked on a different plane, and yet, everything seemed so familiar. Probably due to the absence of certain aspects. When I reached the middle part of the field, I thought of doing random jumps and backflips, just for the heck of it, but I decided otherwise, as I did not want poring eyes all over the back of my neck. I continued on walking, gliding at certain times when I felt like it, and reached the opposite side, where empty benches were dauntingly blank and silent. Still, I plant myself on the edge of one of those benches, and I just waited. For what? I even wondered about that question as I looked at into the distance. The skies were an eerie mix of light blue softness and fiery streaks of velvety orange. A little more to the right, I could've sworn the dark purple formation had began to show sparks of lightning, but it was far off into the distance, so I couldn't be too sure. All this, I watched, until they change from the former into the dark blanket of indigo and violet, where the sun seemed to be fighting with bated breath, the rising of the white moon. The sun soon melded into the horizon's distant line, and the moon showed apathy towards the sun's departure. Still, I wait, for nothing, I say to myself. But I remember seeing a flash of something almost square, and red, definitely ruby red, and it seemed to trigger something in my head, that made me stay put, and sweat out the humid season. I noticed that people started to rush out from the adjacent buildings, and I felt a bit, should I say it, lonely. So I run back to the opposite side, still half-expecting something would come up. A memory, at least. I'm okay with that.

Vanity is key to every histrionic's fantasy world.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:28 AM, ,

autoload max

I'm not a people's heart. I have no bearing over real drama and the perfect lie.

I subconsciously smile.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:22 AM, ,

shock, as in 9999 damage
Friday, June 29, 2007

It's been a dull day.

And from what I've read so far, it's a little bit too late, but I've clearly shifted from downright moronic to downright lame. So, I try again.

I'm stuck in this plastic chair, faced with a blinking screen of white and blue and everything else. The whole ambiance of the place was cool and, maybe, even dead, and it reminded me of the times I was stuck under the incessant rain. And, so to speak, it is right beside me, I can hear it perfectly, the rapping and tapping sounds of violent raindrops mercilessly scratching the glass windows. It's that day again, I guess.

My mind's been slowed down, probably from the cool air surrounding me, or probably from mashing the keyboard one too many times. But this is what I do best, not making sense of what I think and say, so I'd rather be here, than have my hair drip with acid rain and STILL be cold. It's ironic, how I could almost spend endless hours of this, almost doing nothing, and be bored, but still not notice how people come in and come out, and the tick-tock-ing of the clock never seemed to happen. My fingers betray my sedated mind, and starts to push softly, gently into the little black squares, and this happens. A little later on, I'm dead. And it's like I'm outside, drenching and soaking up in the lovely rain, and waiting. Waiting for the sun to come up again, and dry my clothes, my skin, everything.

And I didn't even notice the urgency of it all.

Sometimes, all you need is a little hate. Not love. Hate.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:56 AM, ,

spell

I'm too busy right now to try dying.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:31 AM, ,

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny
Thursday, June 28, 2007

By that, I mean, GET THE FUCK OFF.

Person A smiles at Person B. Person B flashes the fake smile with everybody's name on it. It's that, THAT, again. They're a little overrated, at least recently. Before, they were great, in almost every sense thinkable, and will actually make the future of ear repair something worth the while. But now, they're photogenic. Yes, photogenic, win. Perhaps, one's perception of faulty genes is my understanding of what is and what is not. We all say things that we are, or what we are supposedly, or what we are in terms of 'fantasy'. And to me, to talk about such things is a little insane, okay, maybe a whole chunk of insane and maybe conceited love. It's you're turn now. Show me what the hell you've got.

No, I'm not asking for it. I'm asking for you.

smiled at the sun again @ 10:32 PM, ,

variety show: okay

If I laughed any harder, planes would start falling out of the sky, and the world would be thrown off track its orbit. Iran, kidnap me now.

GO.

smiled at the sun again @ 10:23 PM, ,

victory's love

Apparently, falling in love is not love itself.

And lemon, garlic, and butter don't mix well.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:42 PM, ,

look up

And make it easy for me.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:44 AM, ,

not interested

One day away from destruction.

<3

smiled at the sun again @ 8:42 AM, ,

freelance art society

I'm generally a peaceful person. I'm not good, I'm not bad either. Just peaceful, passive, aloof even. So don't give me that smug smile, because I'll punch your face in, seriously. In my mind, that is. I won't give in to any childish antics, and I don't give out any type of reaction, a retort or even a twitch of an eye, just to show you how futile your 'subtle' remarks. Kthxbai.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:36 AM, ,

frisky

Net sucks that past few days.

And everyone looks so tired. I get dragged along for some reason.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:49 AM, ,

look, i'm choking --> :)
Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Ah, it's happened again. And this time, it's fast, so fast I didn't see a huge chunk heading my way and sinking itself in my brain. But yeah, stalking's not nice either, so here, have a cookie. It's dissolving into air's hands, so I might as well try and grab anything. I see dust and sand, and I'm away. Paint me black and red, and I'll sprawl all over your traditional art, or whatever the hell you call that.. thing. Cookies! <3

smiled at the sun again @ 9:13 PM, ,

misconception a day..

I'm so stressed. Life's such a human race.

-

I'm not wagering anything, I'm just telling you to shut up for a week.

-

I have one thing that I can give to you, and only I can give it to you: my total and utter dependence on you. Be my maid, or romantically put, be mine, will you?
-

I worry I won't see your face light up again.

-

Oh god, I--

-

This wouldn't be kissing, since I can still talk. And if it was, that'd be so rude.

-

Tell me this: I can see you.

-

I'm close behind.

-

Takes my breath away.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:19 PM, ,

301: waltz

I'm your gangsta' kid, yo'.

And damn, you're good.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:43 PM, ,

300

SPARTA!

No wait, I don't even know what the hell that means.

But remember: you're still a only a Cinderella 'till 9pm. And that I don't give a fuck about fairy tales.

So I'll watch you fall of your chair and laugh at your face. But yeah, I'll be close enough to catch you when that happens. If that ever happened. Which won't. I think. Yay for running sentences and disclosed phrases.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:35 PM, ,

it's a play-date then

Please listen carefully.

I..

I'm..

I think I'm...

Spit it out already.

I like you!

...

...

You're kidding right?

N-not kidding. I'm drunk though. :)

smiled at the sun again @ 7:32 PM, ,

rc

"Lacking things to keep you busy."

And as I type away another badmouthing, and scream 'die' at the top of my voice, and miss the enemy by a scroll and click, I feel sweat trickling down my chest. I'm not supposed to be straining, this is the time of recreation (sort of), but here I am, with a heart palpitating mercilessly. And then, a realization dawns on my face: I've not won anything, at least, not yet. I continue on my endless journey for enjoyment, whilst you're memories, you're smell, and of course, you're deadly smirk float by. Hell, I'm already on my way home, and I see it. Fuck that, I'm sleeping.

... You're right, I lack things that'll keep me off the edge.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:09 PM, ,

biorhythms suck when it rains

And confetti doesn't taste too great either. Walk it off.

smiled at the sun again @ 6:06 PM, ,

micro
Sunday, June 24, 2007

Hoping that someone gives me enough anesthesia to maintain my bliss,

Schizo's love.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:48 PM, ,

jumpstarting your day

Today would've been autumn's beginning. Or not. But the steady tapping of the rain on the rooftops of bungalow houses made it seem like it. From afar, the city seemed almost floating and ghostly, as the solemn and almost silent pitter-pattering created a smoky mist that hung low, and thick. And all this, I watch as I slip in and out of sleep, during the ride along sparse traffic. There was nothing too spectacular to see, nothing to think about, but I couldn't quite put myself into peace and slumber just yet.

Should it be the sun driving out the rain, or the rain driving out the sun?

smiled at the sun again @ 8:40 PM, ,

shrimp

Ang hirap pala magtanggal ng balat ng hipon. Naka-lock ata 'to e!

I probably should be eating other things.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:34 PM, ,

avast
Friday, June 22, 2007

My heart palpitates with every fleeting moment, and all I see is you in black and white. Running through the length of the shoreline, I blink a few times, with every black and white beat, the sun sets in a menacing yet gradual fashion. It didn't lose its yellow luster to the last bit of sunshine, even as I look past the gray in all this. I see you a few steps ahead of me, and I try to catch up, giving a little more energy with every step. A blink again, and I see you looking back at me, behind the doorway. It's closing slowly, and though I lunged forward for the final stretch, my face met with cold, stone ground, and the last thing I remember before the door closed, is you looking down at me. The light died, as everything else dissipated into the void.

Here I am, slumped on my bed, looking out the window, watching the rain drop the from the sky and create circular ripples on the small puddle of murky water that had formed a while a go. Whenever I played with the raindrops, my hand, and pretty much everything else, started to fade into black and white again. And with that, I'm happy.

smiled at the sun again @ 11:44 PM, ,

i talk too much sometimes

sunnymigelo: someone's crappy and emo :))
toink05: not really
sunnymigelo: pshh, don't give me that
sunnymigelo: kaya mo pang maging creative kesa jan no :D
toink05: ulol :))
sunnymigelo: hahahaha :))
toink05: kasi naman e
toink05: tong si ***
sunnymigelo: na naman? Dump na kasi! :))
sunnymigelo: pakras kras pa kasi, tapos biglang gaganyanin, ayan tuloy, natanga ka! hahaha =))
toink05: gago...
sunnymigelo: :))
toink05 is Idle.
BUZZ!!
sunnymigelo: hui joke lang yun, to naman o
sunnymigelo: HOY
BUZZ!!
toink05: ay sorry, kumuha lang ako ng food
toink05: ang boring mo kasi e
toink05: hahaha :))
sunnymigelo: asa pa gago
sunnymigelo: ako boring? taena, ikaw nga ayaw mo pang tigilan yan e!
toink05: ...
sunnymigelo: barado ka gago hahaha :))
toink05: di nakakatawa
toink05: :((
sunnymigelo: lol
sunnymigelo: why don't you just drop it and move on
sunnymigelo: napaenglish tuloy ako sa galit :))
sunnymigelo: pero seryos
sunnymigelo: o
toink05: if i were you, i'd quit the psychologist act and get a life
sunnymigelo: ...
toink05: oo kumuha ka na ng love life ng di mo na ako kinukulit gago
toink05: piss off already
sunnymigelo: sorry
sunnymigelo: sige. bye.
toink05 is Idle.
sunnymigelo: you know what
sunnymigelo: i was just thinking
sunnymigelo: about what you jsut said
sunnymigelo: i woudl've probably gotten a love life if the person i liked would jsut know how i feel
sunnymigelo: feeling stupid already?
sunnymigelo: it's you, fucker
sunnymigelo: bye.
toink05: WHAT
toink05: alam kong nandyan ka gago
toink05: hindi gagana yang invisible mo sakin
toink05: :))
sunnymigelo: taenang ym to, useless
sunnymigelo: hahaha
toink05: hindi, you're just stupid :))
sunnymigelo: oo na, at loko lang pala yung kanina
sunnymigelo: at least nakuha ko attention mo hahaha
toink05: ...
toink05: ty nga pala at tiniis mo na naman tong kagaguhan ko
toink05: salamat talaga haha :D
toink05:
sunnymigelo: oo na oo na
sunnymigelo: i just wish that...
toink05: ULOL
toink05: tama na yan :))
sunnymigelo: sige sige hahaha
sunnymigelo: :D

--

Remember:
Don't react.
It's not entirely real.
When pigs fly, I crawl.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:45 PM, ,

problem not solved

People are starting notice when I'm trying to be stupid, being stupid, and just plain stupid. I have to work out my tactics better next time.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:29 PM, ,

lucky

When in doubt, dry your eyes and give out that signature wry smile.

Silence will separate the unwanted from the pensive.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:22 PM, ,

we love you captain jack

Someone wanted me to make something that's not totally depressing, and IS about love. Dear people, I have no experience, but I try. So here's to you love-full people, my attempt on a love poem.

-

I can't say,
"I'll love you
Is such a long, long time.

-

Don't get it? Neither do I. We're not in love then.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:02 PM, ,

honoes

I'm not like this.

I'm definitely losing it.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:46 PM, ,

misunderstood

Lacking creative abilities lately.

Eyes stitched closed, with white teeth smile
The night's deep waters are dried by the sun's rays
And I feel no more.

-

The Invisible sucks, mind you. So I changed it a bit. It's mine now.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:40 PM, ,

vintage black

I crashed hard yesterday. As in HARD. REALLY, REALLY HARD. So hard I could've died. But I didn't. So I live to tell this tale of nonsensical and, forgive the term, bad imagery.

The other day, I was happy. The day was one of the rare happenings in my life, and I could've sworn I was happy enough to overlook all the petty attempts and snide remarks that people were throwing my way. But as I should have learned by now, fate would always go out of her way just to tick me off, and I don't know why, and hands me down one good reality check. Before white flashes delivered me to unconsciousness, I remembered looking down at my shirt, and yours, and then black.

I hate.. "people who are made of plastic." I remember it quite well. It stung for some reason, but I'm not one who would be categorized as "made of plastic" (or part of "people"), to be honest. But why do I bother with this, it's just a measly homework. Moving on, moving on..

It stuck still. I'm tried since forever to change, to become something else than this. So I could've made a little bit more pavement for my bridge. All I wanted was to talk to you, and somehow, it's always you or me that's continuously creating these holes.

So now, I have a hand up high, and eyes straight, directly looking at you. Anxiety was running high again, and I was questioning my move. It was always easier to ignore than to do something and end up a spaz. But here, a new something for you. And for a second, I felt my eyes water, I don't know if it's because sweat was making it's way down my eyes and playing with it or something else. My hand lowers to a slight extent - and I recognize a sign of acceptance. I smile. And I got one smile back.

And I'm not happy about that either.

I had my eyes closed when it happened.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:09 PM, ,

long, fringed bangs

Smart and Emo.

That's hot.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:04 PM, ,

look at this photograph
Thursday, June 21, 2007

Being us.

The way we used to be, the way we used to shout and jump for hellish reasons.

smiled at the sun again @ 1:27 AM, ,

EOS 5D

It's one resounding

It's time to say it, hard to say it, goodbye, goodbye

For most of the time

I miss the town, I miss people, I miss it now, I can't believe it, so hard to stay, so hard to leave it

But everytime

I run to the front door, I've got albums spread all over the floor

And again

Every memory of walking out the door, I find the memory of the person present I was looking for

There's always a little

I know there's one thing that'll never change.

smiled at the sun again @ 1:22 AM, ,

oi, cuteness is distracting

As a friend would've said it,

I can only smile. :)

smiled at the sun again @ 1:20 AM, ,

sticks and knives

I'm not about to die, not quite yet.

Not unless people stop complaining about me driving them into insanity.

I'm the insomniac's death pill.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:49 AM, ,

i'm your one-man team

Assume that this had all happened in a random day.

I woke up late, somewhere around 10 am, and I realize I AM late for school. Like, 15minutes late, even if I had my own car to drive there. But anyways, I'm not a bum (but I am lazy, like crazy, and wow, that rhymes, yay), so I drag myself (no, not hurry) around the house trying to prepare for school, but all I did was grunt and groan, 'till I found myself looking at the mirror. Hmm, not all that bad for a late person. I grab all my things (except my ID, which I hope to God will drop it somewhere in ADSA or DSWS), take the necessary modes of transportation to my school, and I arrive late for my first class, which considers late as a cut, no excuses. Frustrations make me go, duh.

I finish the first class, and I lose my cherished eraser. I've been trying to use it all up to the last bit of rubber in it, and alas, I lost it. So much for my imaginary world record of actually making use of a whole eraser. Depression? Not really. Just a change in facial expressions.

I ate fruits for lunch, like I did the past few days. Cutting down on expenses and fat intake. Supposedly for something expensive, like a laptop, but no, here I am, mashing buttons like crazy and screaming "DIE" at the top of my lungs as I get another kill in the game. I'm a smurf, one of those anyways, really.

I stepped on a really, REALLY gross gooey thing. Did not help the mood.

And of course, my ID, as fate would have it, is still on the loose.

And taking all that, I'm a pretty happy person.

But I am sad about something. Help me find it, ne?

smiled at the sun again @ 12:30 AM, ,

friggin' itchy

you make me happy
you make me excited
you make me take a risk
you make me doubt
you make me walk faster
you make me walk slower
you make me shut up
you make me hyper
you make me dull
you make me paper (..?)
you make me catch my breath
you make me go upstairs
you make me stop
you make me sit outside
you make me sweat
you make me talk
you make me giddy
you make me woozy
you make me chew animal parts
you make me change faces
you make me lie
you make me scream (inside)
you make me tipsy
you make me a little bit more alive
you make me hang over
you make me red
you make me friggin' itchy

.. stupid ginstraw.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:18 AM, ,

should I say

*comment*

Please type the word agree to proceed.

*type*

Thank you. Your comment is now being processed. Please wait while we redirect you to do the previous page.

*wait*

-

People are starting to look like each other.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:14 AM, ,

they kid not
Monday, June 18, 2007

Do I need a reason to tell you why I'm singing you this song?

Maybe :D

And what if there's really no reason behind it? :D

-

Bored people make the greatest conversations.

smiled at the sun again @ 11:07 PM, ,

Vandalism:

I keep trying to remember how to forget you.

smiled at the sun again @ 11:04 PM, ,

act a fool

I can be more like someone else than myself. There's this switch at my back that could help me do that.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:57 PM, ,

Somtimes
Sunday, June 17, 2007

NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH JUST ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:36 PM, ,

un-retarded

Your voice,

Soothing and smooth,

Like a madman's laughter.

smiled at the sun again @ 6:53 PM, ,

An Inexcusable, Inadequate Waste of Space

The perfect poem.

The sun rose,
And I woke up.

Now I'm done wasting time.

smiled at the sun again @ 5:58 PM, ,

child of the universe

Today.

I was sitting on a waiting shed's bench. And I noticed that we had the same piece of clothing on, form shirt to pants, even my battered chucks. I would've pointed out to him that we had the same thing on, and probably have a few laughs about it, but he'd already left and got on the last bus while I was writing this.

smiled at the sun again @ 5:53 PM, ,

:|

I'm your jester reading the book of happiness.

smiled at the sun again @ 5:44 PM, ,

Liebeserklärung.. not

I love you. Will you?

It seems to say on my card. So I say out it out loud, to no one. And I continue.

The harlequin's twist,
I fly with prime grace.
In the joys of flight,
The world is luminescent
but the world, I can only see
When I look intently
into those wonderful,
pair of brown eyes.
The world ceases to exist.

But all I can see is the sun.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:28 AM, ,

moments of gluttony: endless number 3

The world lit up in sun beams
As it soared high on makeshift wings,
And the birds gathered round
Because they had found
They could hear music when it sings.

Icarus and I, to eternal flight.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:14 AM, ,

morning after hair
Saturday, June 16, 2007

2 injections.

A little over 100mg worth of antihistamine.

3 hours of sleep.

And 5 straight days of steroid-induced sanity.

Damn you.

smiled at the sun again @ 11:54 PM, ,

survey

Who should make the first move?

a. guy
b. girl












c. others: your heart.

smiled at the sun again @ 11:35 PM, ,

let's laugh

I've lost all sense of reason. Sleep for me.

smiled at the sun again @ 2:11 AM, ,

TGIF

The walk made me a little bit more focused and a little bit less woozy from the orange drink. I would've chosen to pass out entirely on the table we sat an hour before, but it scares me to the bone that I have the company of drunk friends as well, and them threatening me to leave me on the roadside with nothing on but my own pool of sick did not help me in just falling out right then and there. So every bit of living brain cell started rumbling in my head, the dead ones swaying like liquid puss in my head, as we made our way to the soccer field.

I was trying to think why we where going to go there again, but I was too focused on how the hell am I gonna walk straight and not look like a swaying drunkard kid who doesn't know how to gauge his own tolerance for alcohol. Before I could really trip over my own feet, we were already in our destination, and all that walk did reduce the inconsistency induced by the alcohol, but not totally, so I chose to plant myself on the cemented bench.

Soccer people were playing, well, soccer on the, well, soccer field in front of me. Reminded me of a lot of things really. Like how I wanted to join the summer camp for soccer, or how I would do on the field in a real game, and perhaps, playing soccer under the heat of the sun. All to my surprise, something clicked, I don't know if it's one of those metaphorical 'clicks' or a real clicking sound, but, like magnets drawn to each other, my head doesn't even bother looking to the other direction, and looks straight out to the left.

I thought I was really drunk at this point, I've been hallucinating probably, and I tried to convince myself that, and that me missing a certain something is just playing with my mind. But I guess it was true, since I tried looking away, but turned my head to the same direction again right after (remember, magnets), and the shade of orange brightness still stuck in the same position, only this time, I could feel it looking back, and a smile creeping up my face. It was undoubtedly one of those 'my-body-is-betraying-my-mind' moments. So I laugh it off, like a mad scientist reviving the dead. It was an uncharacteristic reaction, and probably, if I could read minds, I could probably hear something like, "He's gone crazy.." or "I expected this much, not a moment too late.." Oh, screw you.

So, even in the drunkeness can't drive away summer sunshine.

***

I'm bored, drunk, about to pass out, and I kept hitting the space bar more than once, so yeah, sorry, this one's not too entertaining.

smiled at the sun again @ 1:29 AM, ,

late night number one

So, this is what people call drunk. Tilt your head to the right, everything starts swooning to that direction, then tilt to the left, and you leave everything still swooning to the right for a few good seconds, then everything's gonna spill quickly to the left, and this is what probably makes people throw up so much and sway inconsistently as they walk. I don't like it, and I couldn't stop smiling, even at the face of COMMon fear. I feel slightly perturbed.

smiled at the sun again @ 1:25 AM, ,

much awaited...

Nothing.

smiled at the sun again @ 1:18 AM, ,

sunlight like an orange
Thursday, June 14, 2007

Between the numbers, seasons fall. Sit down, listen, shut up, and don't lie.

Bow.

Summer children, we were.

And I write, without much purpose: 'Love'. Hardly comprehensive a topic. But for the length of that time, it is all I am able to write, and I didn't tap into my mind too deeply, therefore, I am left unburdened for the greater part of the day. 'Tis a sunny day, and the heat was unbearable, and I couldn't wait for school to end at its final mark. I think I fell asleep as one of the people started to sniff continuously, I couldn't really remember. But when I woke up, I am startled by this:

.


love is an abundance
of thoughtless feet
trying to touch
the sandbox of the ocean
that is coloured
by the rain of the sun.


.

A thought not fit for my mind. I am not yet the inconsistent word-player, nor have I attained super human abilities to put something like that together, in one poem. Sweat made tiny circular blots on the crumpled paper, as I looked groggily at the piece of parchment. I couldn't understand a word of it, and I looked around, everyone was up and about and doing something other than being bored (which is rightfully so, for I have complete and absolute ownership of such a habit then), and I remained stumped. Not that I really cared, but curiosity is such a bothersome tool, and my urges are but strings to my puppet hands. I write, and mind you, without much thought, as a 'creative' response:

‘hell hath no fury
for the dead,’ you wept,
‘look, love
it snows --

i.

strangers, we were
our lost nets crossed
over a butterfly. i caught
the swallowtail, you,
my heart

clumsily, we exchanged
names --
i, orpheus;
you?

Which was most probably something I memorized from another mythological book for my literature class. For reason of clarity, it's the first thing that came up to my mind, and really, I did not mean to be the root of a thousand people's suicidal attempts. But when I dozed off yet again into dreamy land, where I, a little boy, ran all over the world's greatest heights and reached for the skies, the sun even, I am startled yet again into consciousness when a steady thumping sound warned me with a sanction. Ah, I've been caught by our math teacher, and I fervently submit myself into successive apologies, and I could hear numerous laughter, the one I'm used to, and I feel a wary pair of eyes looking at me with great distaste, or rather, pity. Ah, I've embarrassed myself yet again.

During the 20 minutes I spent standing outside and bearing the summer heat, I sneaked out the little crumpled paper which caused me so goddamned much. I wished to throw it away, even burn it, if I could in school grounds, but curiosity bites back painfully, so I take a gander. It was the same thing, really, it was. I only noticed a faded writing skillfully squeezed into the remaining space:

You?

Persephone The sun.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:39 PM, ,

L.O.L.

I can see you smiling 600 yards away. That's bionic me for ya.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:37 PM, ,

ka-chink

The unreflected life is a life not worth living.

So go face a mirror or anything that give off that effect, and grip the gun a little tighter.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:33 PM, ,

SHONGA baby.

It seems that you can't do jack shit to my ego. Seriously.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:31 PM, ,

slip

Nasty things come out of my mouth when I accidentally whip up a retort.
I dare you to try me now.

smiled at the sun again @ 10:44 AM, ,

MERKY!

We go to school, not for the grade, but for development of taste.

Caf food ftw.

smiled at the sun again @ 10:42 AM, ,

boring

I got nothing smart to say today. Not that I ever did. :)

smiled at the sun again @ 10:38 AM, ,

huh
Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I asked,

"What is it like to be perfect?"

And you answered,

".. you really think that I'm perfect?"

I answered,

"No. Well, yeah. That's why I'm asking, duh. You do too much fishing."

And then,

"You think I'm perfect? How's this for perfect..."

I can't breathe properly. Proximity is lost. I can't think. I'm high.

*BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING*

Hello, new school year. I hate you, by the way.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:25 AM, ,

save data

When wearing corrective glasses:

Maayos na nga mata, mo pero ang labo mo pa rin! Haha.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:11 AM, ,

summer's end

and hell's beginning.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:11 AM, ,

tie a ribbon around my heart

When the cliff is just enough to show me the whole world, and just thin enough to throw me off the edge, watch me fly, and scream, and cry for the last time, as I plunge into the blank waters below.

You should know what it feels like to be on the tip of the world, and never quite reach the wisps of heaven's clouds.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:07 AM, ,

killjoy loser

The sand gave just enough time to think about things I've been doing, or what I've not been doing. And to sum it all up, all I thought was: I don't care. It's all happened already, so might as well stop mulling things over, and wasting away one beautiful sunset and the company of friends. So I lie awake, watching the sun sink down the lining of the horizon, hiding away behind the Capones island. The washing of the waves against the shore, the cackling of the growing bonfire, the smell of booze and smoked barbecue and the steady buzzing in my head were the things to be enjoyed. No more, no less.

Laughter truly is the best medicine. And the fatal drug, memories.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:31 AM, ,

deviance, zero
Monday, June 11, 2007

In contrast, this is one of those days when I just don't want to move my bag away from the seat beside me for anyone. I just want to curl up and take up the whole space and throw any wisp of reason away and out the window. I will be a bastardly and stubborn boy, and no one will be able to break my pride. It's my me time, nobody else's. It's one of those days when I just have to submit myself into hiding beneath the shadows, and find comfort among the dreary corners. It's just one of those days, when I will equate to me. And you just had to barge in.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:06 AM, ,

bloom field
Sunday, June 10, 2007

person: Kunwari ako si (whispers).
me: Ayoko.
person: ...
me: Natahimik ka?
person: ...
me: Ah, nagsisimula na ba?
person: (nods)
me: Ayoko nga. At hindi yun pipe. Tae lang talaga yun, haha.
person: ...
me: Seryoso ka ba talaga? Fine, pagbibigyan ko na 'tong kagaguhan na 'to.
person: (smiles and looks away)
me: ...
person: ...
me: (smiles victoriously)
person: (clicks tongue loudly)
me: (defeated look) Tae ka talaga.
person: (smiles deviously) That's not something you'd say to (lipsynchs), now would you?
me: WEH. Kagaguhan niyo talaga. At nawala ka na sa character mo, haha.
person: Really? Ganun mo na ba ako kakilala?
me: ...
person: (sheepish look) Haha.
me: U-umm...
person: Yep? (looks at me, all smiley)
me: Uh, hi.
person: (sweatdrops) Woi.
me: Wala lang, ahahaha. (eyes all over)
person: (closes in quickly) May sakit ka ba? You look flustered and red. (puts forehead against mine)
me: ...gnnng.. Okay lang ako. Haha. (pushes away)
person: Sigurado ka? Haha, lagi na lang parang may masamang nangyayari sayo kapag nagkikita tayo. (winks and smiles)
me: AYOKO NA NITONG LARONG 'TO! BELOW THE BELT NA YAN E!
person: Out of character pala ha! Haha.
me: Tae ka haha.
person: Yan ba talaga gusto mo sabihin sakin? Haha.
me: Oo, lalo na dun.
person: 'Di ko na pala kelangan mag-act para masabi mo yan e, haha.
me: Oo na, tae ka kasi talaga, at gago pa, at tarantado at tang ina at--
person: Tama na, madinig ka nito o.
me: Ha? (stupefied)
person: HAHAHAHA. Oi, san ka galing?
me: Ha? Bangag ka ba? Kanina pa tay magkau--
person: (whispers) Gago, hindi ikaw, si (points)
me: (surprised) Saan?
person: Ayan o.
nyoro~n: Oi, sabi nito (pats person) kanina mo pa daw ako binabackstab a! (laughs heartily)
me: (meeps silently away)
person: Hahaha.
nyoro~n: May sakit ka ba? Medyo namumula ka ata? Pinili ka ba nito uminom na naman?
person: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
me: ...

Random things, and stolen goods.

smiled at the sun again @ 10:08 PM, ,

loveless people and their mushy crap

When you've found that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin right away.

I don't want to die. Seriously. Well, not at least I get the feel of what it's like to be deviously rich. :)

smiled at the sun again @ 9:47 PM, ,

i was born a backstabber

I was told to hold the gun straight. I kept my grip tight around the wachamacallit, eyes focused on the target. Sweat was dripping profusely, and I blinked a few times, only when my sweat was about to burn the surface of my eyes. I heard silence at its finest form, and somehow, I trembled slightly. I was asked if I was afraid. I thought for moment, but hurriedly answered 'no' back. I got a reaffirming pat on the back. I still shook slightly. When a continuous train of thought about something started to flow in, I was ordered to fire. I fired, surprise all over my face.

The glass mirror broke, and butterflies came out of the smear of blood.

smiled at the sun again @ 6:46 PM, ,

before anything else

I'm no different here than the me outside. I just know when to put each letter in STFU in to use.

smiled at the sun again @ 6:42 PM, ,

interactions

I'm fumbly, dorky at times, and inconsistent in all possible contexts of normality. And apparently, I can be one needy bastard.

smiled at the sun again @ 6:36 PM, ,

>_O

A nasty slur can feed a family of 17. No, really.

smiled at the sun again @ 3:34 AM, ,

boo-fharckin'-hoo

Consider yourself refreshed.

smiled at the sun again @ 3:33 AM, ,

king size

See, when you say it like that, it doesn't mean anything. Now, try again.

I have you tangled in the complexities of my mind, not my heart.

smiled at the sun again @ 1:08 AM, ,

fragged by frigate

I am the first one out. I am the spider that bites Peter Parker. I am the spider that bites Peter Parker, and turns him into the freaky super hero that he is. I am the spider that made Spiderman. I am the spider that's first out, and first gone. I am the spider that will never be seen again after the first victim. I am the spider forgotten. I am the spider who will take the last kiss.

And you, you are my signal fire.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:39 AM, ,

seriously
Friday, June 8, 2007

The easy silence that you give me,

takes a lifetime worth of bullshit and crap (and that's not quite the same, mind you) away.

.. What? There's no 'Thank you".

smiled at the sun again @ 5:15 PM, ,

strike 90328043850934

Put your money where your mouth is.

You're like a loaded gun in my shaky hands.

smiled at the sun again @ 5:14 PM, ,

empty houses

Three.

It takes three to step on the same foot.

It takes three to make up these words: hateful, indifferent, dowdy.

It takes three to smile.

It takes three to make twelve.

It takes three to see something out of this world.

It takes three to count up to four.

It takes three to be a lesser being.

It takse three to be the least being.

It takes three.

Three.

3.

Green eyes burn through humanity like a match in a rundown district.

smiled at the sun again @ 5:05 PM, ,

a ribbon upon a thorny rose: black deus

Days go by quickly. I don't complain about it anymore. It's too much angst to handle, too much for my health (or what's left of it), too much for my eyes to breed anything at all. Of course, let's all remember: handle with care, fragile, delicate glass object, needs special handling, these profusions of black eyeliner. A game of basketball is not a weakness, but this is.

smiled at the sun again @ 5:01 PM, ,

dimming of the day

I remember when I lost my mind.

I had control, but I kept asking myself,

Where the hell do I go from here?

smiled at the sun again @ 5:00 PM, ,

yo da ho'

See, when you say 'I rant now,' it's like:

I see a halo (just above your devil ears).

smiled at the sun again @ 4:57 PM, ,

ah i see

Your words, they pour out like children to the playground.

I don't talk that much sense. We all agree on that, yes?

smiled at the sun again @ 4:53 PM, ,

di nga
Thursday, June 7, 2007

You are my sweetest downfall. So fuck you.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:43 PM, ,

kiteru
Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Running out of patience.

End summer now.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:13 AM, ,

D:

I am not a person. I hate mornings. Even though I just woke up somewhere in the darkest hour of the morning, not a ray of light, not one chicken shattering the early morning silence, I'd like to point out that there's nothing good about the morning after hair, breath, soreness and everything else really. It's hard to go back to sleep after waking up so early. There's no point in watching TV, since the only things I can watch at this dead hour are old cartoons, old movies, everything old, and in the fashion channel, some naked photoshoot of a Puerto Rican girl. I can't use the PC and watch YouTube or Veoh, i'll wake up everyone else in the house.I could cook food, but I'm too groggy to do that. I can't do exercises - scratch that, I DON'T do exercises, not this early at least.

But this, just soaking up in the early morning dew, is better than dreaming.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:55 AM, ,

what the hell, right

Never apologize for saying what you feel
'Cause that's like saying sorry for being real.

(Pft, no duh.)

smiled at the sun again @ 7:51 AM, ,

please love as much as 100 jokes part 2

If you really love someone, set him/her free.





If he/she comes back, set it on fire.

:D

smiled at the sun again @ 7:48 AM, ,

smooth move
Tuesday, June 5, 2007

I believe the correct thing to say is:

'If I were in love, I would be giving you chocolates and flowers and all that cheesy shit.

But I'm handing down old socks and a used paper. Go figure.'

Cramped, much?

smiled at the sun again @ 6:44 PM, ,

hiparadiko
Monday, June 4, 2007

Today was hot. Hotter than usual, at least. Or humid. It's hot and humid, I guess. I looked like I just took a bath, only, it's sweat, and not refreshing water. Yeah, gross. Standing in front of the aircon did not help. It did dry my hair though. I know that it's useless anyway, so I just head out, where it's really, REALLY, hot, deadly kind of hot. To my surprise, I felt my heart freeze on the spot, and before I could realize who was calling out my name, one cold drop of sweat forced my eyes to close, and fainted.

Words are rumbling in my ear.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:37 PM, ,

when

Now. We are part of the eternal, and the special time will always be now. So do it. Now.

smiled at the sun again @ 12:35 PM, ,

i'm here
Sunday, June 3, 2007

A flower, blooming freely, is at the mercy of the sun.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:51 PM, ,

dum dum dumdee dum

I didn't expect it, but for the second time in my whole life, I'm thoroughly pleased (and wasted). Somehow, the glaring competition began, and we might as well have been made of wax, and put in museum, because neither of us were moving nor blinking. I could almost see the static thickening in the corer of my eye, but I dare not move my vision a degree away, or I might lose this match. Deviously, I scrunch up my face and wipe my nose with my hand, and blink a few times, without you seeing. Happy that you weren't aware of what I just did, I stare with even more force, if that's possible, and I close in, an inch too far, and I saw crescent lids tearing up. Ha, you're gonna lose, I thought happily. But perhaps, too much focus was bad for me, because apparently, I wasn't well aware that I was happy. Yes, I was happy, and I didn't know, or really care. I was just smirking, lips slightly tingling.

smiled at the sun again @ 7:39 PM, ,

talk about food for 10 minutes
Saturday, June 2, 2007

Stalling is a sign of discomfort. And so is closing your eyes.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:37 PM, ,

pretty pink laced chucks <3
Friday, June 1, 2007

I don't try to be anything. I just try.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:37 PM, ,

much like falling

today
i walked upon trails of blue,
surrounded by lollipops and candy canes,
with my valiant black balloon.
fluffy,
a new born thought
for the pink cloud that melted in the caverns of my mouth
short and sweet, but a drizzle is amiss.
candy apples,
covered in caramel-ly goodness,
sunk in spears of hard candy,
a bite, and a chunk less from the whole.
happy,
i was, frolicking aimlessly
following the trails of blue
leaving behind a pool of sick.
acid to my skin
this black rain,
my eyes race to see the accursed cloud,
only to see my black balloon mysteriously dripping with black goo.
pull, tug, my hand goes, my mind says,
another shade closer
it comes.
bump,
the onomatopoetic sound in my head
as black balloon touches my face,
it throbs heavily
shakes manically
as if to explode at a moments notice.
fly,
i let it fly.

Duh, I don't want it exploding on my face.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:17 PM, ,

pshh

Fish, and I will kill you.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:07 PM, ,

wrongfully accused

The heart is nothing more than a puppet to the mind.

smiled at the sun again @ 8:58 PM, ,

moon breach

No. Wait scratch that, yeah, I do. I just lied. No, not the yeah part, the no part. I give upon trying to give up on my feelings for you. So there you go, you win, I lose, and I don't think that sounded right, but, oh, what the hell. I don't know where to pinpoint exactly when I started liking you, or whatever gave me the idea to like you, 'cause, really, you can be such a snob sometimes, even an elitist, and though it ticks me off more than anything else, I try to ignore it, no don't hit me just yet, I'm not done. So anyway, although I go and take long strides trying to get away from each and every.. thing connected to you, as that song with the androgynous girl with long hair starred in said, I try to run away from your side, but anywhere I hide, it reminds me of you. Even if it's dog poo. Actually, that's more accurate. Gross, this is gross, and I hope you understand perfectly. I have to go now, go into a drunken haze and sleep.

Jeopardy, summer-rainy season edition. Finest.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:35 AM, ,

honeypie

Dreaming about something morbid lately. Still, not a nightmare.

smiled at the sun again @ 9:02 AM, ,

blindly staring at the sun, with a sun-kissed smile