201: you make me wanna
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Many times, I've thought about things that made me 'hmm' a lot. I know, everyone has those moments, but I am beyond normal in the sense that I put too much effort on thinking about these 'hmm' things that I strain myself (still like everyone else) to the point of frustration (still like everyone else, again), to the point of hurting myself (normal for others: head, mine:well.. other stuff). No, I don't do blades (gross), and/or anything unhealthy, just leaving myself rather sore all over. Damned body, betraying my whim. And now, another 'hmm' thought.
The rain. It's soothing. It's mind-softening. It's.. crappy when you're wearing pants and flops/slippers and puddles of water and/or sewage juice and/or mud are everywhere. Stuck at the waiting shed, without an umbrella, without a jacket, without a newspaper, stuck at the waiting shed, cold and shaking and numb from all the running and wetting of skin and clothes. It's crappy, it's shitty, it's an experience to hate. But the cool-off after would be another thing, and perhaps a week's worth of cold, and that, I, for one, am grateful for. But then it's crappy and shitty and another thing to hate again, 'cause my mind is bound to wander off into dreamy/nightmarey land.
Because of this rain, I missed some useless..thing. A meet-up, perhaps. Am I complaining, or am I grateful for it? I don't know. Hmm. See? At times like these, I let myself go, or at least, lose my mind somwhere along the line, and then I end up with dilated irises and a frothing mouth. Urgh. I can't believe I just thought of that. Hmm. It sucks to be in here, without anything to do (the cable's out), but it also sucks to be there (yes, there) with having pretty much the same thing, plus the booze, maybe. I'm in it for the food (though I wrote booze around 4 times before typinng this), and the drinks (not the booze, water.. and stuff), and.. me shutting the hell up. Same thing at home. And the rain. Ugh, the rain. Anyway, it's the usual stuff, happening and everything, a few catch-ups and a round of hearty laughter, then silence, awkwardness, and best of all, the leering and the smirking. Oh how I love to grin at the slow tapping and soft pitter-pattering outside. It takes my mind of off things, when I am in the thing that I'd hate to be in (and thus, having no sense at all), and it gives me the power to be indifferent of certain things I try to and must ignore, the company, the sideway glance, the awful, awful smirk, and that slight tingling sensation that I get. Rain is my anesthesia, my sleeping pills, my overdose of serotonin. And the world becomes my playing ground, and I my head droops ungracefully to the left. Mm, warm. Rain, I hate you so, so much.
Rain, thank you.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:06 PM,
