stalling
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Slept a while ago. Supposed to study Math now.
And I'm typing this.
And I'm still not stopping.
Blarrrrrrrgh.
smiled at the sun again @ 10:18 PM,
,
what
who did you see?
smiled at the sun again @ 10:16 PM,
,
it's sad, but i'm happy
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
It's wrong
to keep expecting,
when the circumstances tell you
that things are just not meant to happen for you.
But,
should you be blamed?
If there's someone
who just keeps on making you feel
that things are right?
smiled at the sun again @ 9:33 PM,
,
semi
I'm currently listening to Semi by BK. And though I can't understand most of the words they're singing, I sort of get it, somehow. I don't exactly know if it's in the way they sway to the slow thumping of the bass or the light strumming of the guitar, or the way they chink up their eyes as they sing from low notes to high notes, or the hand gestures dancing with invisible air - I just don't know. But I get it, I feel it. I know, it's a bunch of emo thing going on, but really, I've nothing to be so emotional about. I don't know, must be the Japanese wota thing in me, though I try not to be.
smiled at the sun again @ 9:22 PM,
,
of bending spears and greek mythology
Monday, February 26, 2007
End of today's classes. I need rest. But nooooo, I somehow end up in bel field and looking over the group of people shouting and cheering and taking pictures. When I got closer, before I even knew what was happening, I was petrified at the sight of those eyes. Though lasting only a little less than a fraction of a quarter of nanosecond, I froze and almost dropped dead on the spot. Damn, wrong move. Run along little kid, go home, rest up, forget it, and start another day.
I have to say sorry to you, I shouldn't have shown up. It's now like I knew it. Well maybe I did, somebody mentioned it to me, but they said it was last thursday/friday, and I totally forgot about it before last wednesday. See? I didn't exactly want to go ( though I didn't exactly didn't want to go XD).
Yeah, right.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:52 PM,
,
cicada shredding
Standing under the false safety of the shade
Shared by the over-reaching tree above
I remain still, and watch the leaves fall down
Seeing through them, and losing touch
I give way to reckless ignorance
And fall ungracefully to the ground.
In a blink, there is nothing left
As my mind puts it bluntly.
Hey, at least I don't have to put up with you, even for just a little while.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:46 PM,
,
minna kotowa, SEISHUUN!
Somebody told me I was off.
I am effing off. Fucking off. Yeah, I am.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:38 PM,
,
kamaitachi bliss
Sunday, February 25, 2007
I was thinking about things. You know, the usual stuff. Actually, this time, i'm thinking about you because I was afraid of the barking dogs outside. They kept tailing me and sniffing me and grrr-ing at my heels. Nothing more than that to scare the pants off of me. So, anyways, yeah, I was afraid like hell, so I started thinking about you. It's mazing really how I could even be so realistic, when I know i'm just daydreaming (or in this case, nightdreaming). I start thinking about how we could hold hands or hug each other, but i'm always saying yeah right or like that'll ever happen. Sure, i've supposedly given up on you, but no one has to know the small nasty pangs of your memories mixed into my fantasies. No, not the sick kind of fantasies, mind you. So there, I ruined my mood by thinking that again, and I was sooooo pissed that I didn't notice that the dogs have scurried to some place else. I hurried off to home, and here I am, writing this.
Sick.
smiled at the sun again @ 11:25 PM,
,
things that pasta remind me of
Running down people in the local computer shop.
Doing double dutch.
Eating double dutch. :p
Lying about my allergic reactions.
My definite character of broken spirit and fatal thinking.
Trash.
Spongebob Squarepants.
All the love in the world.
~this is tralala.
smiled at the sun again @ 7:54 PM,
,
seeing through the rainglass
Saturday, February 24, 2007
As I write this, I try to busy myself by sipping my coffee, hoping that the scalding heat would just take my mind off of the real pain I'm supposed to face now, but holding off till later. But as my bad luck would have it, even my simple pleasures won't give me the satisfaction of feeling relieved, or at least, distracted.
It's cold outside, and even colder inside this estranged coffee shop, and I keep brushing something off of my chest, but to no avail. My laptop is slowly draining its last bar, and I'm forced to think about what I have to do. I am restricted to saying this simple message: today, I died, just a little bit.
It's no surprise how I suddenly realize what I have, what I'm supposed to have, what I had (and had thrown away), as if it's all a big movie script waiting to happen on camera. Life sucks, and it's that simple. Sometimes it'll even rub it off in your face, just so you know how much wrong you've been doing.
BTW, it's a wrong choice to drink coffee when you're trying to calm down. Cigs are the alternative, but I don't do those. Now, I'm shaking like hell, I don't know if it's from the cold air conditioning or from pain and fear ( or both).
Crazy life I have to lead. Damn.
smiled at the sun again @ 10:28 PM,
,
syndrome-defined
Why is it that, when it's the last day, I suddenly get the feeling I'm attached to those I hardly know? Not much has been said in the past year, or the past two sems at least, but now, we're all laughing like we know each other. Actually, I only know a few of them.
I wish I'd known them more. Would've been nice, having a new set of friends.
smiled at the sun again @ 1:38 PM,
,
it's over
NSTP, that is.
Yay. Sorry kids, I just hate having no more weekends these days.
smiled at the sun again @ 1:35 PM,
,
freak out with dumplings
Friday, February 23, 2007
I'm officially a liar.
That is to say, I've come to accept this fact.
I can't say for sure
if I'm lying right now.
smiled at the sun again @ 10:58 PM,
,
continue
It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am
Cause now again
I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun
that shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down
away from the sun again
I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
can anyone see me down here
The feelings gone
there's nothing left to lift me up
back into the world I know
Cause now again
I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun
that shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down away from the sun
that shines to light the way for me
To find my way
back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down
away from the sun again
It's down to this,
I've got to make this life make sense
and now I can't tell what I've done
And now again
I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun that shines
to light the way fro me
Cause now again I've found myself
so far down away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down
Away from the sun again
I'm gone
smiled at the sun again @ 10:52 PM,
,